Autism - For Life

As the summer goes on we are seeing increasingly prevalent autism in our child. I do not know that I would call it regression, but it is definitely much more "there" and obvious. Life is becoming more and more difficult.

We can attribute some of this due to being out of school the past few weeks. I wonder though how much "regression" can really be caused by being out of school for only 5 weeks. We can attribute some of this to his age. As Tyler gets older, behaviors and mannerisms become less and less socially acceptable. Sure a toddler twirling in circles on his tip toes screeching is cute. Not so much a 5 yo. Let alone a 5yo that looks like a 6yo.

Like last year, as our summer winds down, so do my patience. But this year is different. I do feel as though I am at my whits end, but unlike last year I do not feel like I need to commit myself to the psychiatric ward at the hospital. This is "different". This is more sorrowful. This is less denial. This is more reality. Yes he has tantrums...but they are different. They are very autistic. Over things like...an instruction booklet being upside down when it's not suppose to be. Crying and covering his ears squishing his face into me in the waiting room because 3 children are running around like chickens with their heads cut off and he can't handle the noise or commotion. Having to ask a host to seat us away from the other people and commotion because my child is grabbing my hands and putting them over his ears and pushing into me in tears. Freaking out because he NEEDS to know EXACTLY when we will be leaving for therapy TO THE MINUTE....and then getting frustrated because he doesn't even understand minutes or time. Throwing all his stuffed animals at someone because they continued to talk when he demanded people don't talk. Having to listen to the fact that his battery is dead in his phone for several hours straight in a loop. THIS IS AUTISM.

He is also exhibiting obsessions. Something he never has before. And I don't even know if obsessions is the right term. In some instances it is....but in some cases it's more of a "stuck on" something thing. For example, he wanted to charge his cell phone battery tonight (it has no service). But we didn't know where the charger was. We told him we'd find it another day. He didn't get upset by our response....it was more about him getting "stuck" on the fact that the battery was not charged and it needed to be charged. So over and over in a cycle (going from Daddy to Mommy, saying the same words, and repeating the cycle all night) he'd go over the cell phone battery problem. Over and over. This is a very autistic trait. One that he use to not have.

Today he was very out of control. His body was just everywhere. He was very excited that his friend came to play and he could not control himself. Tyler started Ritalin about a month ago. Even on that and wearing his weighted vest he was out of control. We have seen an increase in focus. A big increase. This is a HUGE pro with this medication. He is having more "there" thoughts, more understandable sentences and conversations. But we wonder if this is causing the "stuckness" and mini-obsessions.

All we know is that Tyler is in full fledged autism. There are not days where he is "neurotypical" as I have described many times in the past. There are no days where I say "see he doesn't look autistic". This has been heart wrenching and worrisome. I worry about our future. Our lives. I fear the constant struggle. It is EXHAUSTING and stressful and hard. I fear LIFE with autism.

-Tylers Mommy