Vacation Day 5

We made it through Christmas OK. Just a very hyper, excited boy with some impulsiveness. But the past 2 days have been tough.



I had lots of help yesterday and most of today but as of this evening I have been left alone with the monster boy. The past 2 days he has been extremely clingy. I can't do ANYTHING. Even trying to take a shower or watch television is pointless. If I try to shower, he sits on the outside of the door banging/knocking yelling mommy and saying all these random things, most of which I can't hear. I mean, he's not having a fit out there, he's not tantruming that I'm in the bathroom without him, but he needs to have contact with me 100% of the time. If I try to eat something, it takes attention away from him and he's in my lap and pulling on me. If I'm at the PC, he's in my lap. He's spilling every single drink and falling constantly. His socks are filthy and are not slip resistant and he REFUSES to change them. He's going on wearing them a week now. He fell twice yesterday, once right on his head, and once today from the socks. Today he also fell trying to climb/stand on his chair and hit his head. He spilled his water at dinner.

He talks just to talk "mommy I got a drop of water on my shirt. Mommy I got spaghetti on the table. Mommy Spock just came in the room. Mommy I'm hungry".

Speaking of hungry. He has been complaining constantly that he's hungry but when I make him something he isn't eating it. It all ends up in the trash. Today I made him pancakes for breakfast and he took 1 bite. This afternoon I made him chicken and gave him some leftovers, not one bite. This evening I made him pasta he ate 2 twirled spoon fulls.

Christmas dinner, he ate ONE broccoli head. That's it. He did eat some pancakes that morning though. I'm not really complaining that he's not eating. He kinda goes through a cycle. But I hate the food waste.



I hear "mommy. Mommy. Mommy I can.... MOmmy can I? Mommy I want...." ALL FREAKING DAY. He hit grandma for no reason, hit daddy for no reason, shot uncle T with one of his xmass presents and got in big trouble for that. He can't focus on one toy and doesn't play with them. He pulls them out and either organizes them or puts them in piles, which keeps him busy for like 5 minutes then it's back to mommy mommy mommy. Yesterday he had one pile on the floor and one pile on the couch. Him and his piles. Seriously.

Don't get me wrong, I know 4 year olds do not hold a ton of independence but he should have SOME. For my sanity! And it's not like I'm not giving him attention. Today I played chutes and ladders with him, memory with him, don't break the ice with him, I sat down with him and built stuff with his lego duplos he got for xmass. Did he help me? No. Did he play with what I made? NOT AT ALL. I took him outside in the snow, I sat and watched 2 30 minute Christmas shows with him. I pulled out his remote control cars. He likes to sit in a different room with the remote and listen to the car moving in the next room. That of course lasts all of 5 minutes. He has broken several of his Christmas toys already.

Think of a young toddler, 1.5 years old....the attachment they have to their mommy. This is Tyler at 4. His daddy is here too but Tyler is attached to me. Add on ASD issues. Yeah, he can manipulate his toys, but he can't actually play with them. One toy is a hit. There is no imagination involved. He can screw screws into a board and unscrew them. He did that for about an hour straight last night with his uncle. But he won't do it on his own. You have to sit with him....he has to sit in your lap. He demands your attention 100% of the time.

I know many people that may read this will NOT understand. You can think you do, but you don't. To you maybe I sound like I don't appreciate my child. Maybe to you I'm complaining about being a mom, something I CHOSE to do. At this age I expect to have some of my own thoughts back. I thought I could urinate without a child trying to SIT ON MY LAP while I do so. I thought my 4 year old could drink out of a cup without spilling it several times a day. He still needs a sippy cup. I try not to give it to him and he hasn't used one in a month but I'm so sick of cleaning up a spill at EVERY meal. I'm sick of not being able to talk on the phone to my mom unless he is either a) in bed or b) literally locked out of my room. I'm sick of my house being so incredibly loud that when people call our home they can't hear me talk so they don't call anymore. I'd like to take a shower without having to listen to a bang on the door every 5 minutes and a little voice whining "moooooommmy".

It has been 5 days so far of him home straight. A weekend is OK. It gets tough by Sunday afternoon but knowing Monday is coming, I can deal. But, I still have 6 more days.

We will probably head to my moms house tomorrow. I plan on staying 1-2 nights there. That will help big time. She has said time and time again, she has NO IDEA how I get through each day with him. She says she'd love to have him over the weekend but she just can't handle him by herself. She says he is just way to much for her. Not that Ty would let me leave him with her....or anyone.....anyways.

So, yeah. Day 5. Thank God for bedtimes!

-Tylers Mommy

Survived Day 1

I survived day 1 of Tylers vacation yesterday. I know, this must sound so awful. But seriously, walk a mile.

On Wednesday I went and picked my boy up from school because he had psychotherapy. He didn't miss any school but if I had waited for the bus to drop him off we wouldn't make it. I THOUGHT Thursday was the last day before vacation, not Wednesday, so I didn't send in the teacher cards/gifts. I feel awful :(. Ty had a really good session, and I learned a lot but I don't want to share that in this post.

We went home and after dinner Tyler put on his iron man mask and his iron man "glove" (it's a glove that shoots rockets). He went up to the dog and iron man punched him right in the head. My poor 11 lb dog yelped and fell over. Yeah, he lost that toy for the rest of the day and was warned that if he EVER did that again, that toy was going in the trash. It was 100% impulsive, he did not even hesitate or think about it. I was talking to my brother about it and my brother said "I would have also smacked his butt and sent him to his room for an HOUR". I'm like seriously, another person trying to tell me I just need to beat my kid. I told him "yes, he needs to be disciplined for it, but there is a difference here. He had no control over himself for doing it. It was 100% impulsive and as his mother that breaks my heart". He kinda got it.

Then yesterday daddy was taking a shower. Ty had to use the potty so daddy unlocked the door. When Tyler was done he left the bathroom door open. He came to me and I said "I have to go now too" and started walking towards the bathroom. He flew by me, reached around and turned the lock and closed the door. WTH!??!! He glared at me. I don't know why he did this. It was pure mean-ness. What the heck is up with him????

For the first time I pulled the Santa card. It annoys me when people do this. I'm not judging or anything but it does annoy me I don't know why. I don't like threatening him with Santa. But I did!!! I told him that Santa does not bring presents to children that are mean, rude and don't listen to their parents. I told him because he did that to mommy, Santa might have taken away one of his gifts. He was very concerned. So I said "but if you are a VERY good boy for the rest of the day, help mommy out, do a good job when we got shopping etc., I bet Santa would be proud of you and maybe he won't take away one of the toys". He was an angel (well, with the need for a couple reminders, but still).

We'll see how today goes.

Merry Christmas Eve to everyone! Today is a very busy day here for us. I have to clean up the house, do some dinner prepping for tomorrow, I have to sing at church (I'm in the choir) for 2 different services and the services are about 2 hours each, plus my sister in law invited us over to her in-laws for their Christmas Eve party tonight. I have 3 more gifts to wrap as well and I need to do bed time with Ty and put put cookies out with him. I don't know how it will all get done. Magic!!!!!!

-Tylers Mommy

And The Beat Goes On

We continue to see these less than desirable behaviors from Mr. T. He is having several time outs a day in school and at home.

Yesterday his afternoon teacher did not have time to write in his log so she emailed me that Tyler threw sand in a friends face and that he purposely stepped on another child whom was laying on the floor. Today he had time outs for saying no/talking back to the teachers. That's what he's doing here at home. What's going on with him? I hope this is another one of his phases.

I don't know how much of this I will be able to handle over winter break. It's going to be a long 10 days!

-Tylers Mommy

A Changed - Continued

So, Tylers teachers wrote back and the autism specialist wrote back at the school. They both said that yes, they have seen a shift in him and he is portraying more of an attitude and having to sit in time out more frequently.

They gave me some ideas AND they sent me home with a PECS rule board. It's a very simple, back to back board, one side is a smiley face and the other side is a sad face. On the smiley face side are icons and words about the "rules" of the house, including talking nicely, following directions, using a big boy voice (no squealing). The other side is the sad face with the broken rules like using mean words, not following directions or yelling, and then it shows the result is a time out.

Then, the time out area will have a small PEC board for rules. It shows first he sits, then he needs to do a quiet voice (be calm). He needs to be like that for 30 seconds. Then I show him why he had to go in time out again, and if an apology is needed then he needs to give it, then he can go back to his friends or family. Pretty nice!

I hope this works!

-Tylers Mommy

A Change

There has been a change in Tyler. These past 2 days have been tough. This kind of snuck up on me, but looking back there were some hints of a behavioral change approaching. I'm hoping it's a phase.

Tyler is surely making his opinions known. He will have his way, or we will see a screaming child. We were at Walmart today and Nana was with us. She had to use the women's room and Tyler was ticked off. He fell to the floor and refused to move while he screamed. I had to pick him up and put him in the cart where he continued to scream. When Nana came back I told her what happened and she said she heard him across the store.

Nana had told him she would look at buying an Iron Man 2 movie. She experienced sticker shock and was unable to buy it. This of course resulted in an unforgiving Tyler. We had to go to a couple different stores after and he refused to leave each store without Iron Man 2.

He has taken to screaming at daddy and the dog. Yesterday he played candy land with daddy. Tyler drew a card and Daddy thought Tyler had to go backwards. He was fuming. I was upstairs on the phone and I heard him screaming (I'm talking at the top of his lungs screaming) at him, stomping his feet, hitting him, crying etc. He eventually took his show up to me, crying, sobbing, stomping feet. I was in the middle of an important phone call so I told him I can't talk now. This only ticked him off further and he started screaming so I had to close and lock my door. He sat outside it screaming. At this point I didn't know it was about candy land. After my phone call I went downstairs and saw the game and it was then that I knew what was up.

I corrected daddy and they played. Soon after I heard Tyler standing on the stairs stomping his feet and yelling. I don't think he was upset about anything in particular, I think he was just releasing some kind stuff going on inside him because his tone was frustration and anger but nothing really set it off.

He is chewing his lips apart and his teacher asked that I send in something for his lips. He's not doing it cause they are chapped, it's a stim.....or a anxiety behavior. He is getting notes home from school saying he doesn't want to follow rules, will complain about a friend touching him and then go and touch the friend after, hiding when it's clean up time because he doesn't want to clean up.

When I ask him to do something here at home he downright yells "NO!" to me. He is screaming at the dog if he gets near his toys. He's just really expressing his want for control right now. It's a little intimidating and worrisome. Hopefully he's experimenting with what he can get away with (which of course we don't let him).

He has also been very hyper...but not in an entirely happy way. He is flailing his body around with force. Today he had to get his jacket on to go out. He wanted to go out, but because I told him to put his jacket on he coped an attitude. He punched his arm into the jacket and in doing so punched me. I immediately had him sit down on the floor for a time out and told him that he needed to relax, that he hurt me. He got up and repeated the same exact thing. I had all I could do to hold my own temper.

At dinner he sat and shredded a napkin into little pieces. He stood on the chair almost the whole time. He crawled under the table a couple times and refused to come out.

Anyways, the list goes on. Again, I'm hoping this is a phase, and a short one at that.

-Tylers Mommy

Talkathon

Tyler talked my ear off ALL day. I swear he likes to hear himself talk LOL. Though most of me loves it, it does get tiring when you hear the same question asked 20 times in a row. Yes Tyler, there is a line on that paper. Yes, it is a line. Yes it's on the paper. Yes Tyler, I see the line on the paper. I don't know why there is a line on the paper. I know the line is on the paper. OK Tyler I don't want to talk about the line on the paper anymore. I know it's there Tyler it's OK. Because it's OK for it to be there. OK, here is another piece of paper. No there is not a line on this piece of paper. OK you can have the piece of paper with the line on it back. I don't know how the line got there. OK Tyler mommy is going to go do something else now.

We had a good day today. No tantrums or meltdowns and just a happy boy all day :) So I can't complain. But I was happy to see bed time. Some quiet in the house is just what I need. I couldn't even get him to sit back and relax a television program or movie. He was just go go go go go.

I had emailed Tylers autism specialist in his school to share with her the experience I had with the in home therapist. She sounded as irate as I was! She said the person should have never ever said anything about his diagnoses. That is not her job. She directed me to the place Tyler received services from when he was in Early Intervention. She said that place has in home services that are free! Why didn't anyone tell me that before? I've been searching and searching. I've contact our local department of "mental retardation", I've contacted our community resources, I've asked his autism specialist in school and I even called his old EI autism specialist. Maybe this program is brand new? I don't know, but I'm interested.

I was also directed to a person that does a social emotional skills group. Apparently he takes most major insurances. I'm thinking of looking into this. I don't know if we could do it during the school year, but it would be a great way to keep Tyler going over the summer.

I am scared though. I don't want to get my hopes up for any of these 2 services. I am always lead to a door but they all seemed locked. Every time I'm told we could get more help, I am shoved back out the door. I just want to let it lay to rest. Right now I feel things are in "control". I can handle Tyler right now as long as school is in session. Of course, winter vacation is coming up which will be a challenge. I could send him to our local YMCA's day program for a decent price, but I'd also like to spend the week just hanging out with my boy. Question is...can I handle it?

Today was good, but it was still exhausting as all I can hear is Tylers extremely loud voice, his inability to do anything independently (and by this I mean being able to entertain himself at all). His attachment to me. He won't hang out with his daddy, or in his room doing something on his own. The kid is literally on me all day asking me the same question 20 different ways, then moving onto another thing to ask 20 questions about. He just wants to soak in all the info but for some reason needs the definitive 20 different ways before he can move on. I am not exaggerating either. He asks relatively 20 times and it is exhausting!

Anyways, he has been having a hard time sleeping with coughing issues and stuffy nose issues. I don't know if he's got a sinus infection at this point or what. Tonight I gave him allergy medicine so hopefully that helps cause I was up with him almost every hour last night. We'll see...

I think I'm gonna switch my blog over to a Christmas theme. I really like the picture I have up now though. I really LOVE it and want to get it blown up and put on my wall.

-Tylers Mommy

What A Joke

The behavioral therapist was a joke. I am so sick and tired of searching for someone GOOD, educated, CARING, helpful and coming up empty handed. She spent 1 hour with Tyler and REINFORCED a behavior I was specifically trying to work with (getting downright pissed off about losing a game....I'm talking 1 hr tantrum here). How did she reinforce it? She let him win. Yeah, I'm all for letting my child win, but not until he has mastered losing, know what I mean?

This person isn't one that just works with children on the spectrum....obviously. In fact, I bet she has worked with hardly anyone on the spectrum.....let alone anyone high functioning. Why? Well after spending 40 minutes with Tyler, only playing a game with him and letting him win, she stated she did not see a smidgen of autism in him. She stated this SEVERAL TIMES. We kind of argued about it. I said that it is likely he'll turn out to have aspergers. She said that people with aspergers don't look at other people and don't WANT anything to do with other people. Well, yeah, some do, some don't. She has this stereotype in her mind. I don't want someone working with my child that has no idea what she's doing/what she's working with.

I am quite annoyed by this. It has taken 4 MONTHS to finally get SOMEONE in here and when they do, they are clueless. I'm just so sick of this BS. I'm sick of all the fighting and researching and hunting down help. I'm tired. I want to go on with my life. But I can't just leave my child behind. He needs help and I can't ignore it. I told my mom I can handle him during the school year. It's vacations and summer break that get real tough.

-Tylers Mommy

Christmas Party

Tomorrow is our annual Christmas party. I'm not as nervous as I was about the baby shower last month since he did so well...but there are some differences that could really affect him. One is that there will be more people. Another is that it is going to be held in a smaller, more intimate room this time. Also Tyler will not be on the guanfacine to help calm him and I'm not sure if we'll have the vest. I won't know till he gets home today.

He lost his chewy too which could be a disaster as well as this week he has become very attached to it. I have no clue where he could have put it!

-Tylers Mommy

Behavioral Therapy

Ty woke up yesterday with another cough fest, but it only lasted 15 minutes this time. It was a scary one though as he struggled to breath in between coughs. It reminded me of whooping cough (though he doesn't have that). I almost didn't send him to school but once up and around, he was better.

This morning he only coughed a little. Yay :) But when he did cough through out the morning while getting ready for school, it sounded tight and junky. So I think not having the coughing fit resulted in the settled junk from the night to remain settled. His doctor wants to see him tomorrow morning. I can cancel if he seems tons better, but we might be looking at steroids at this point so he doesn't result in pneumonia. I've seen him worse before steroids, but he's taking the same path so we're just on top of this sooner. If it wasn't for Thanksgiving, he would have missed another 3 days of school, plus the weekend. But thankfully he only missed one. I think his absences are equaling 10 now due to illnesses. He also has a few due to not sleeping well or appointments.

The doctor wants to see him tomorrow morning so he'll end up missing another half day.

Today the behavioral therapist is coming to our home at 3:30, when Ty gets home from school, to observe him. To bad she wasn't here yesterday. Ty had quite the tantrum. He eats sack at school at 2:50. He gets home at 3:20. He comes off the bus, goes inside and about a half hour later states he wants lunch. I told him he had lunch at school. He immediately stomps his feet all upset. He gets meal names mixed up, so I'm sure he was referring to dinner. I told him it was way to early for dinner. I asked him if he finished his snack at school and if he ate lunch. He STILL can't tell me what he does at school, let alone what he ate and if he ate. So that didn't help. I go through his sack bag and he didn't eat most his Scooby graham bones. So I tell him he can have those. Thus begins the fit.

Of course I try to explain the situation to him, that dinner will be soon, he can have this small snack etc. He screams and lashes out. I send him to his room for a time out where he continues to scream and ask over and over and over if he can come out. This is an area I will ask for help. I think he thinks if he keeps doing it he will eventually get out. He has no concept of time so saying he has 5 minutes doesn't work. I had a timer but he hates it and gets pissed at it, doesn't even pay attention to the fact that when times up, you come out. Part of me thinks he should stay in his room and the time doesn't start till AFTER hes done screaming/tantrum.

Anyways, I let him out after 5 minutes where he continued the tantrum, begging etc. I warn him he will go back to time out. He is standing in front of the door (which is all the way open) and proceeds to bang his body against it repeatedly. I send him to his room. 5 minutes later he's out again. Tantrum degree has lesson ed. He is no longer screaming with rage, he's just sad and whining and crying. I pick my battles. I try and ignore it. I give him the graham crackers and I head to the shower. He sits on the floor in the bathroom , with the door wide open and leaning against it, and pouts while eating the graham crackers. After he's done, he states to me hes still hungry. I tell him when I'm out of the shower I will get him a couple more. He cries. Whines. Quietly. He cries himself to sleep! Sitting up on the bathroom floor! He falls over, is disoriented, and falls asleep on the bathroom floor. Tantrum time = about 40 minutes.

A little over an hour later he wakes up, and continues right where he left off. By this time it's 5pm. He gets on my bed and starts kicking and crying. I warn him. He does this on and off till 6pm (with some time outs in his room). He starts calming down around 6pm with just a few sniffles and whines. Then my brother comes home and he decides he must continue the show for him. He continues the whines. Now, daddy was out picking up some tacos. He was going to help his sister first with something and then get tacos. Daddy took MUCH longer than we thought so of course this didn't help. By 7pm I was calling him BEGGING for him to get here because Tyler was miserable and famished. He was much nicer and calmer about it all but he just sat here whining that he wanted his daddy and wanted dinner.

Anyways, I'm kind of hoping he puts on a show for the therapist so she can help me through it and give suggestions. We'll see.

-Tylers Mommy